DianaDianeAlouise.com

     Just a thought: I do talk alot about Health Insurance in my blog. Especially one of my important subjects, which is…I’m looking for a single guy who has health Insurance. Trying to find better health Insurance Policy in California for my own use and wondering after all the worries, why the heck I even have to have it in the first place, because I think when I get some of my bills the insurance has actually covered a total of 29 cents! 

     Now mind you for the first time in my life I just had to visit the Emergency room last week November 8th. I contiplated for hours in the middle of the night about calling 911. I’m all alone and wondering the pain that developed in my stomach became extremely intolerable, so what the heck should I do. Call 911, or somehow get in the car and get myself down there…what should I do!
    

     But first thing is first…I’ve got to get myself in the shower and get ready to get down there. What if one of the guys are pretty darn cute. I’m not going to let some doctor or ER guy see me looking like a MESS! Anyhow I got myself looking halfway decent and after showering felt like I could hobble down to my car and drive the five minutes to the ER on my own. That probably saved me $1000.00. Unless I would of had that golden Insurance card that government employees hold. The reason being is probably they are so stressed out because of being underpaid, overworked and just godamn pissed of working for the goverment! So they need good coverage. It’s a health issue. That’s another story.

     Anyhow I check myself in to only find a male nurse, pretty good looking to say the least. Thank god I spent a bit more time getting ready. Then the doctor came in. They went through the drill and I answered most of the questions carefully. I mentioned I had rough sex just a week before…with a fireman…and lord knows they have great health insurance! I then said he could have done something to my intestines. Well I told the doctor, you know that sex stuff. He said no…actually I wasn’t there. We went through blood work, blood tests and etc. One test came back positive that I had a UTI infection. What a surprise! The stomach thing was the next issue. Now to bring up a suggestion to the doctor I said well I hate to admit this but maybe the condom is lost somewhere inside which is causing all my pain because I could never find the darn thing. From the look on his face I could see from this small town I live in, they most probably deal with sporting accidents and etc. Not lost condoms inside a woman. An hour went bye and then the doctor procedes to tell me his shift is over and another doctor is going to take over. The look on my face was, you’ve got to be kidding! I’m going to have to explain this to two people who live in a town of 14 thousand. Oh great, just perfect for my already squeaky reputation…just great! Maybe I should add another first name to the already two that I use.                                                                         

     In fact living in LA was so much easier. You can get away with anything! Nobody ever knows what going on with you. People are concerned about them selves. Not kidding, you could be on the front page of the LA Times for a terrible crime, rob 15 banks, run out of every restaurant you’ve had dinner in without paying and still get married to the man or woman of your choice!

     So anyhow the next doctor who continues with my illness now decides to go for the hunt…hunt for the condom. Which meant, papsmear. Well no luck so he mentions maybe the flu, maybe intestional, we will just get you feeling better and start from there. A week and a half has gone bye and I think everthing is finally settling down. The next big step will be…let’s see how much this is going to cost me. How much will be covered by our wonderful Health care system? Serious anyone out there, who is a nice guy with a good gosh darn Health Insurance Policy! I’m available maybe soon! But first thing is first after I start feeling better…I’m going to find that gosh darn condom…

Now just to explain the one and only reason you might just ponder on the idea of…why does she go by diana diane alouise.
First of all to explain this to all you computer geeks. The good old saying, checkered past. Well yes that’s me and I sure as heck have one. So to clean up my past more than a century ago I tried to screw you, or any one who was a computer wizard looking under my orginal name get completely tossed in another direction. Especially when I was on the LA circuit of entertainment and believe me I had all sorts of crazy people trying to find out information about me.
So to mess with ya all. I changed my name from Diane to Diana. Well to my surprise changing that one letter was a stupid thing to do. Especially when I did this sort of a change legally. Spending money, standing in lines, changing charge card info, checking accounts, headshots, and everything that relates to your personal life with your name on it. And that is the only thing I’ve ever done legally. Trust me. To my surprise it did nothing. Not a thing. You can go to Diane Alouise. Diana Alouise, D alouise or any just Alouise, and get the same old gosh darn girl. I’m there no matter what! There isn’t even a hint of not being able to NOT to find me. It’s just plain old there. So any of you trying to come clean or do a name change to hide yourself from anyone finding you…just do yourself a favor. Keep your life just gosh darn clean. Then you won’t have to go through this kind of TROUBLE!!!! Just a tip! If not and you need to go through this, I suggest it’s easier to move to another country, try Japan, they all look alike, or Mexico, they all eat the same cheese, Austraila, they all have the same accent or just about any other foreign country. I’m sure you can trade citizenship with someone who wants to come over here. Or learn a completely different language, change your skin color, hair and better yet get a sex change! Just start over! Cause they’ll find ya!

To read the original article, please go to: tahoe.com.

Truckee resident and hairstylist extraordinaire Diana Alouise has cavorted with Mel Gibson, styled for Steve McQueen and dated MacGyver.

Momma always said “Don’t laugh with your mouth full.” You won’t be able to keep it shut at Truckee’s fourth comedy show of the same name.

“Don’t Laugh With Your Mouth Full” is a triple-header sure to tickle your funny bone April 4 at Truckee’s Community Center. A benefit for Camp Radical scholarships, it boasts top-notch comedians and fantastic food by Full Belly Deli.

“You won’t find this quality of show in the area, not even Reno or South Lake,” said Susan Duffey Smith, Teen and Senior Coordinator with the Truckee Donner Recreation & Park District.

Host Adam Stone is a fast-rising star in the world of comedy and originally hails from Hawaii. Stone is currently MC at the Funny Bone Comedy Club and brings his musical talent to add to an incredible mix of comedic talent. Headliner Brad Bonar, a top comedian and entertainer on the national circuit has been headlining comedy clubs, cruise ships and corporate events for the last 10 years.

Closing headliner Jimmy Shubert is a sure side-splitter. His credits include “Jimmy” on “King of Queens” for five years, multiple “Comedy Central” half-hour specials, solo comedy albums and movies: “Coyote Ugly,” “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” and “The Italian Job.”

Diana Alouise, who is hysterically, rather, historically a Beverly Hills hair stylist and stand-up comedienne, is the local contact for the national acts.

“I got into comedy to meet guys,” said Alouise, owner of Shampoo Hair & Makeup Studio on Truckee’s East River Street. “Who would have known such funny guys are such unhappy, dysfunctional people?”

Her one-woman show about mullets and hairdressing will cut things up on-stage during “Don’t Laugh…”

How did the Alouise and Duffey Smith cook up a local comedy show? Alouise arrived in Truckee five years ago after a 26-year stint with the stars to be with family and she wanted to get involved in the community. She offered a children’s comedy class at the Community Center. There she met Duffey Smith, and they conjured up “Don’t Laugh With Your Mouth Full” as a community benefit.

They chose the outdoor summer camps as the beneficiary for pre-teens and teens to help families in the tight economy. Last year’s show raised funds for 15 scholarships, giving local children the chance to go whitewater rafting, kayaking, caving or take an overnight excursion to Six Flags/Marine World.

“It’s going to be hilarious,” said Duffey Smith. “Who doesn’t need a good laugh right now?”

Tahoe World: Why did you want to be a comedian?
Diana:I thought they said Canadian, and don’t they have free health care?

TW: So, out of all the Hollywood men that you’ve dated, who’s your favorite and why?
Diana:MacGyver. Because as we all know he’s really good with gadgets. He could take a paper clip and a feather duster…and I really shouldn’t go there.

TW: How do the men of Hollywood and the men of Tahoe compare in your opinion?
Diana:Well, in Tahoe all the guys seem to be a contractor, but in Hollywood you sleep with men for movie contracts and hope that’s the only kind of contracted agreement you get.

TW: What are you most looking forward to with this show?
Diana: A chance to raise money for the kids in such a tough economy and most importantly to meet a guy here after the show with health insurance, preferably a Canadian.

To read the entire article, please go to: latimes.com.

By Patrick J. Kiger
March 03, 2002

Bad Hair Decade
Mullets, Mousse and Rat-Tails

In recent years the mullet (a.k.a. “hockey hair” or “business in the front, party in the back”) has been lampooned as the classic tacky ’80s male hairstyle, though, in fact, the “bi-level” cut, as it is known in barbering parlance, seems to have originated back in the ’70s with English rock stars such as Slade and Rod Stewart. (The term “mullet” didn’t come into usage until 1994, by way of the Beastie Boys’ song “Mullet Head.”) More distinctly ’80s is a close-cropped back that’s long on top, perhaps lacquered into a New Romantic pompadour or teased into a spiky bristle and bleached, a la Billy Idol. But the mullet’s identification with the 1980s seems unshakable. Los Angeles comedian Diana Alouise, who cuts the hair of volunteers onstage and thus has incorporated the mullet into her stage act, sees her efforts as a way to “get America back to where it was . . . it’s an ’80s thing.”

To read the original article, please go to: latimes.com.

December 16, 2001

It’s an ordinary Thursday night at a Japanese restaurant in Hollywood, and a comedian is giving mullet haircuts onstage. Diana Alouise produces the weekly comedy lineup at Amagi’s on Sunset Boulevard, usually “L.A.’s Premier Karaoke Spot.” Alouise is on a one-coiffeuse quest to reintroduce the mullet into the culture. Swathing her volunteer in a black haircutting cape, the comedian chews gum while cutting and weaving with scissors and commentary. She must be kidding, right?

Why a mullet, why onstage–and why today?

I’m from Nebraska, where everyone still has mullets, and my goal is to get America back to where it was and where Nebraska is now. It’s an ’80s thing. Plus, Jimmy Brogan (comedian and former head writer for “The Tonight Show”) said he’s been doing stand-up 30 years and never seen this before.

Help me remember the ’80s.

A mullet is a 1980s white-trash haircut. A beaver paddle, swong, wheat sack, Camaro hair, hockey hair, the Achey-Brakey-Big-Mistakey. But I call it the duo do: all-business in front, all-party in the back!

No front porch and a whole lotta awning in back.

Exactly. After 4 1/2 years on the road as a stand-up, I placed ads in the L.A. Weekly and the Recycler: “Need extra cash? Hair models wanted for stage production.” I got 20 calls in a week. I also want to do full-on make-overs–dress ‘em up, put ‘em in Brownie outfits. You also cut hair professionally, correct?

A 75-buck mullet in L.A. is 25 in Nebraska. In Nebraska, it’s in your roots; there are lots of home-owned salons. You do it down in the basement. Here I started working in a salon thinking I could meet a lot of men. Which I did. Gay men. They never want to date me, they just want to borrow my shoes.

This is at Nick Chavez’s in Beverly Hills?

Yes. Only in Beverly Hills do people have potbellied pigs as pets and bring them into salons. One of them had makeup and painted pink French tip hooves, a diamond purse. You think that’s ridiculous, you should have seen its head shots. But no matter where I work, women always bring in pictures of women they want to look like. I end up saying, “These are scissors, not a magic wand. I need a ‘Jurassic Park’ animatronic team to work you over.”

What about men’s hair?

There’s a procedure now instead of hair plugs, where a doctor will make an incision down the middle of a man’s bald spot, then pull the two sides up together so they meet. Scalp reduction. Maybe it’s me, I’m kind of quirky, but I prefer the guys that I date to have their ears on the side of their head.

How can I personally avoid all this?

Never let your ex cut your hair.